Complete and Utter Randomness
by Just Plain Pain
Summary: So this is just a place where i can put short little stories that i don't think deserve their own thing. This is also for news about me, the quackers and all the screwed up clones. see my profile for more info about the last two . also this is not just a mr story. This is pretty much all of the books i write on which is mr pjo hg and a whole bunch others! So enjoy the awesomenes!
1. Chapter 1

Okay so this is a place for me to put all of my random little stories that never get started and FF's about the Screwed up clones (see profile) and i will be putting up things and news and experiences and random crap involving different characters. So i hope you'll enjoy my Complete and Utter Randomness!

Dylan: Help!

Me: *whaps him upside the head* shut up!


	2. The Lesbo Wedding, Part 1

**Hey! So This is the Lesbian wedding. I just wanted to say i am not making fun of any Gay/lesbians out there. i am so not like that. And for all of you people who are? go F—**

**Dylna: *coveres Pain's mouth* pain. keep it rated T please**

**Me: sry. Anyway. Its just fun to make fun of Max. Tee hees. She's going to hate me. Anyway. I don't own maximum ride or Percy Jackson. Enjoy to awesomeness...**

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** Max's and Percy's wedding, Part 1:** preparation

Characters: Pain, Homo Dylan (HD), Dylan, Interesting Fang (IF), Lesbo Max (LM), Feminine Percy (FP), Gaymo Iggy (GI), Boredomsucks101, Mreader1, and Krystal

_[HD, Dylan, IF, GI, Boredom, Mreader and Krystal are running around trying to get the decorations up for the wedding. LM and FP are in separate dressing rooms getting ready]_

**Pain:** (holding a clipboard and pen, yelling at the other unimportant workers) no no no! the cake doesn't come out yet! Take it back!. Hey! You! The banner has to be seven feet long! that is not seven feet! I'm not paying you to get things wrong!

**Worker**: You're not paying me at all!

Pain: Don't back sass me! Get to work! Krystal! is Percy dressed yet?

**Krystal**: She wont stop yelling at me.

**Pain:** Well get her in the dress (Krystal scurries off) Boredom! Where is max? She's supposed to check with me after she's dressed.

**Boredom: **She's sobbing on her knees. She won't get dressed.

**Pain**: Then slap some sense into her. And where is the priest? Someone get me Apollo!

**Apollo**: (comes out of the door in a blue monkey suit and tie) I'm so not doing this.

**Pain: **Oh yes you are. Where's Poseidon and Zeus. They are supposed to be here. Hello? People! Were is our Photographer? Artemis?

**Artemis:** (comes out with a camera) I'm here. Wait. Where is Thalia?

**Random Hunter**: In the bathroom, refusing to where that (clears throat) and I quote "Barf bag from hell"

**Nico**: Excuse me? Its black! Just like she likes. This is not my fault. Pain made me pick it out.

**Pain**: (rubs her temple) nico just go and figure it out (he leaves) Where is Zeus. He need s to be at his fitting(looks at watch) now! Zeus! Just because you're the king of the gods does not me You don't aply to the schedule to. Get down here.

**Zeus: **(flashes in, in his blue pinstriped suit) I'm here.

**Pain:** ph no. You are not wearing that God awfle thing to a wedding. Go with Nico and get the tailor. Where is Poseidon?

**Zeus**: Hiding in the chariot

**Pain**: Someone get him in here. Where is our ring barer? (Gazzy comes stomping out in a tiny suit) There he is. Aww! you look so cute!

**Gazzy**: I am so not wearing this. (crosses his arms)

**Pain**: (grabs his chin) you will wear whate er I tell you to wear gazzy. Even iggy is in a suit. (points to Gaymo Iggy and Iggy talking)

**GAzzy**: Which one is which?

**Pain**: Straight iggy is in the black suit with a white shirt and black tie. Gaymo iggy has the black shirt.

**Gazzy**: Where is Interesting Fang?

**Pain**: (points to the chocolate fountain) Probably not the best plan but it keeps him off everything thing.

**Gazzy**: (shudders) I'm gonna go get the ring (runs away)

**Pain**: (storms into LM's dressing room) get up. you are wearing this

**LM:** (crying) It was supposed to be pink!

**Pain**: (holds up the red dress) It's fine. Get in it (helps LM into the dress, zips it) Good . Now where is the tie?

**LM:** I don't want to wear it!

**Pain**: well you know what? You chose to let me plan this so both of you are going to be wearing a tie. Feminine Percy is wearing one to. (Slips a blue tie over LM's head) Good (tightens it) awe. You look so pretty. Boredom go get Nudge. (checks something off her clipboard, Steps out) where is Feminine Percy?

**FP**: Here! Here! I need help! (Trying to tie her red tie, dressing in a blue dress identical to LM's red one) does my honey look pretty?

**Pain**: (ties it) Yes. Lebso max is looking fabulous. Now go to Drew. She will help with your make up. (FP runs of, hiking up her dress, Pain checks off her clipboard) Oh come on! Interesting Fang I think you've had enough chocolate. (pulls him off the chocolate fountain, He kisses her, she pushes him away and laughs) Just go get yur suit fixed with Mreader. And wipe the chocolate off oyur mouth ya homo (tosses him a towel as he leaves) Is Poseidon here yet? (stomps out the doors, drags Poseidon in) yOu will be giving your daughter away today and that is final

**Poseidon**: But he's a girl!

**Pain**: Correction SHE is a girl. Now get cleaned up. (slaps his belling) and out on a suit for Christ sake. Artemis the camera goes over there. Move the banner! Seven feet! I said seven feet! Not seven inches you idiot! Get out! (kicks the worker's butt as he leaves) Get out! Go! where is Hera? Ugh! You people suck at fallowing a schedule!

* * *

**Dylan: Pain you're really bossy.**

**Me: Duh. No one knows how to keep a freaking schedual. Without me nothing would ever get done! **

**Dylan: Whatever. Anyway. so I'll ask it for you:**

**R&R?**


	3. Iggy's Birthday Wish

**Me: *still cracking up*  
**

**Dylan: I really wish you wouldn't post this  
**

**Me: Since when do icare what you want? *still laughing* and besides. THere's no way i CANT post this! Are you insane? It's hallarious. Better than Fang doing the Macerana in a dress!  
**

**Dylan: *huffs* *goes back to trying to get the make up off his face*  
**

**Me: it's Aphrodite make up. It's not going to come off. Anyway.  
**

**WARNING: If you have sensitive sides or do not enjoy laughing do not read this story.  
**

**Nasaly Voice from nowhere: This has been brought to you by the makers of Snag-a-Clone.  
**

**Me: Now lets post this sucker!  
**

**enjoy... *snicker*  
**

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**Ch3: Dylan's Makeover**

Pain: Dylan! Hold freaking still!

Dylan: No! (Runs under the bed) I don't want to! Tell them I'm busy!

Pain: (drags him out) dang it Dylan! It's Gaymo Iggy's birthday! Get out here and get into the stupid dress!

Dylan: You're a sick person! You know that?

Pain: (huffs) I know. Now get out.

Dylan: (crawls out and stands, arms crossed)

Pain: (puts him in the dress and laces up the back) Do you remember your lines?

Dylan: Whatever. (Huffs and glares at her)

Feminine Percy: (comes in with a make up bag) aaah! You look adorable! (Sits Dylan down in the chair and starts outing eye shadow and lipstick on him) I borrowed some Aphrodite Make up. Now you can look pretty for a week!

Dylan: What?

Pain: (holds Dylan in the chair) Fang! Get the duct tape!

Feminine Percy: No! You'll ruin the dress! Get the rope!

Interesting Fang: (helps Pain tie Dylan to the chair)

Dylan: (Glares at them) you are sick people

Feminine Percy: stop talking! You're messing up the lipstick!

Dylan: (huffs and sits still)

Gaymo Iggy: is he ready?

Pain: No! Hang on! (Helps put on the eyes shadow) Fang get the dye

Dylan: NO! You are not dyeing my hair!

_Ten minutes later…_

Dylan: (tugs on his pink hair)

Pain: (slaps his hand) stop touching it.

Dylan: (Glares at her) I hate you.

Pain: (smiles) I know. (Leads him by the pink ribbon around his waist into the other room) Happy birthday Iggy!

Dylan: (glares)

Pain: (slaps his butt) smile.

Dylan: (puts on a forces smile)

Pain: iggy, Dylan has been practicing hard all week to give you this present. (sits down next to Gaymo Iggy. Motions for Dylan to start)

Dylan: (Takes a deep breath and winces) (starts in the first position of ballet and starts his interpretive dance) Oh Iggy Oh Iggy… where for art thou Iggy? (winces again) thou art so gay and wonderful and how now brown cow. thou who has married the homo Dylan and blessed out lives so verily merrily merrily down the stream, yadda yadda yadda. For sooth you choose to be… or not to be. Oh blah blah blah. (Ends on his knees, head down) scene

Pain: (everyone stands and claps. Gaymo Iggy wipes a fake tear from his cheek)

Gaymo Iggy: (runs and hugs Dylan) Oh dylie-poo! You were so adorable! It was amazing! This is the best Birthday EVER!

Pain: (looks at Interesting Fang. Both of them trying not to crack)

_After everyone gets drunk and passes out. Dylan still in the dress…_

* * *

**Me: *still laughing***_  
_

**Dylan: *glares* i hate you so much right now  
**

**Me: *gasps* I know *goes back to laughing*  
**

**R&R?****  
**


	4. Therapy With Dr Pain

**Wahoo! The next chapter of CaUR is up! This is awesome!  
**

**Dylan: *facepalm*  
**

**Me: *snickers* this is fun.  
**

**Dylan: Why do you hate me? *holds up his hand when she opens her mouth* Don't answer that.  
**

**Me: Good. cuz it would take too long to list the reasons. *hears Interesting Fang crack up in the background*  
**

**Dylna: Would you just post the damn thing?  
**

**Me: Whoa. Dylna. PG please. I need to keep this a T rating, thankyou. Now do your thing!  
**

**Dylan: Pain doesn't own anything.  
**

**Me: yup! THat would be my man Jimmy P.!  
**

**enjoy Dylan's humiliation...  
**

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**Therapy with Dr. Pain; Part I**

Dylan's POV

"The doctor will se you now." Said the blonde boy, maybe fifteen or sixteen. I put down the magazine and stood up. The boy winked in my general direction at I walked passed. I saw on his nametage it said "Gaymo Iggy." Odd name.

I walked through the door and looked at a tiny little couch. The doc turned around. She had brown, extremely curly hair and she looked about fourteen.

"Hello Dylan." She said smoothly. "Take a seat and we will begin." I sat. "I am Dr. Pain."

I shuddered. "Uh… are you even old enough to have a job?" I asked. Dr. Pain didn't sound like a very nice name.

"No. No I am not." She said and smiled.

"Then how—?"

"I'll ask the questions!" She stomped her foot and immediately her scrunched-up-in-frustration face turned back into a sweet smile. "Now. What seems to be the problem?"

"I…I don't know." I said, still stunned that the child could have so much force in her voice. Wow. "I got tricked into coming here. I think I was drugged or something, but they have on tape that I swore I'd come here if I lost a bet. And I did." I said, pouting.

"Mhm." She said and typed something in her computer. "Interesting. And how does that make you feel?" She asked. Her eyes got all innocent and big.

"Mad." I said and crossed my arms.

"And can you tell me who they is?" sHe asked, typing.

"No. I can't. She'd kill me if I told you who she was."

"Mhm." she wrote. "Why don't you lay back and let the feelings just come out?" She gently pushed on my shoulder so I was lying back in the tiny couch/recliner thing.

"Now I'm going to say a word and I want you to say the first thing that comes to your mind." She said as she typed. "Pain."

"Scientists." I said immediately.

"Good." She typed. "Love."

"Max." No doubt about it.

"Silent."

"Fang."

"Bombs."

"Iggy."

"Gas."

"Gazzy."

"Thoughts."

"Angel." It just kind of spilled out.

"Chatty."

"Nudge."

"Chocolate Chip."

"Max."

"Pain."

"Just Plain pain."

"Burned."

"ITEX."

"Father."

"Dr. Gunther-Hagen."

"Mother?"

I gave her a look.

"Okay. No mother. Got it." She scratched something out on a paper then went back to typing. "Love."

"We already did that one."

"Just answer is." She demanded.

"Fine. Max."

"Betrayal."

"Jeb."

"Just Plain Pain."

"Captured.

"Snake."

"Poison."

"Fire."

"Ouch.

"Burned."

"Fire."

"Witch."

"And wizard." I smiled.

"Head."

"Desk."

"Face."

"Palm."

"Eye."

"Roll."

"Foot."

"Up yo butt!" I shouted.

We looked at each other and started cracking up.

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R&R?


	5. Therapy With Dr Pain, Part2: The Silent

Hey! So this is the next chapter of CaUR! Wahoo! *pulls the string on one of those 4th of July confetti things" yay! Anyway. In this one Dylan gets beat up!

Dylan: why do you love doing this to me?

Me: because it's fun! Now do it

Dylan: *huffs* pain doesn't own anything.

Me: heehees. Nope. Enjoy...

Ch5: Therapy With Dr. Pain, Part2: The Silent Speak

Dylan's POV

The strawberry blonde boy, Gaymo Iggy, poked his head in the door. "Dr. Pain? Mr. Ride is here for his group appointment."

"Thank you, Iggy. Tell him to come in." She said still choking back laughter. Iggy nodded and closed the door.

My eyes widened. "Mr. Ride?" I asked. "that's not who I think it is is it?"

The door opened and in walked the only true annoyance in my life. Fang Ride.

"hey, Doc." he said and plopped down in the chair next to dr. Pain. He glared at me.

"I didn't realize I was in the pond or I would have avoided the scum." I said.

"Didn't realize there were donkeys here. Because I'm staring at an ass." he shot back.

"Boys!" Dr. Pain shouted. "I see we have some tension. Good. Let's talk." she said. "Fang, let's start with you."

"why does he get to go first?" I whined.

"because I'm a ninja!" he said.

"whatever!" I shouted.

"never see me till I strike!" he said. "angel of death!" he stood and snapped open his wings and raised his arms to the sky.

I looked over at Pain and she was CLAPPING!

"hey!" I complained.

"what? Ninja Fang is always hot." she said. "but fangsit down. I am here, well mostly to take you money and fantasize about you. But also to take away the hate you two have for each other."

"wait, we have to pay for this?" I asked and sat up.

"duh. You think a therapist is free? No. They're damned expensive." Fang said and sat down.

"Fang!" pain snapped. "language."

"sorry." he muttered. "anyway. I hate him because: one, he exists; dos, he's trying to steal max from me; and (c), he drove me out!"

"you left on your own! And I was made for max!" I yelled.

"you're a clone!" he shouted back.

"you're just jealous because after you left Max started falling for me." I said and stood up.

"not true!" he shot to his feet too. "she'll always love me!"

"not anymore, Mr. Emo! She's mine now." I said and smirked.

"I'm not anybody's!" max stomped into the room.

"Max!" Fang and I said at the same time.

"you two new to get this over with but I'm just here to watch. But know neither of you own me." she said and walked over to stand against the wall.

Pain's POV

Okay so for the next two hour Dylan and Fang screamed at each other over who love max more.

I was leaning against the wall next to max, watching. "I just want to put them in a small glass box and watch them beat each other up. Don't you?" I asked.

She smiled. "sometimes." she said. ."oo!" we both winced. "that's gonna hurt in the morning." she said as Fang elbow-dived Dylan.

"I think it's hurting now." we both winced again.

"ouch. I didn't know a leg could bend the way." I said.

We started cracking up when the went at each other's hair. Pulling and yanking. Since not of them had that flip kind of hair they could do this.

"do you think we should break them up?" I asked.

"nah." she waved it off. "let boys be boys, right?"

I nodded. "you hungry?"

"yeah but we should make sure they don't kill each other."

"there's cookies in the snack room." I said

"race you." she ran out te door, me right on her heals.

After an hour Fang came in and leaned against the doorway of the lounge.

"hi, ninja Fang." I tossed him a cookie. "did you kill Dylan?"

"nah. He's laying unconscious in his own drool." he said and took a bite.

"ugh. I better take him home." I stood and pointed my finger at Fang. "$5000" I strutted down the hall. "Interesting Fang!"

The bi-Fang came out of the closet and put his arm around me. "hey, babe." he said and kissed me

"we gotta go peak the drooling Dylan off the floor."

"joy." he said sarcastically.

Me: you know, I was thinking yesterday—

Dylan: oh no. Here we go

Me: and I was thinking what if ares had claimed me. Then he would have Phobos Deimos and me. Fear, terror, and pain! *starts laughing*

Dylan: *eyeroll* but ur already pain and suffering with Nico

Me:true. Anyway sorry that had nothing to do with the story. But

R&R?

Anyway because if you don't I'll sick Ninja Fang on you!


End file.
